Puck Drop: Utah Fury Read online

  “Okay.” She folder her arms and stared me down.

  I clenched my jaw then released over and over again. She had something else to say, and I could wait her out. I could even prod a little.

  “I spoke with your brother.” Huh. Was that fear in her eyes? What was she hiding? “We agreed to start over.”

  She looked only slightly relieved.

  “It’s better for the team.”

  I tried to look into her eyes, but she turned away. She nodded like she agreed, but she didn’t even know what she was agreeing to. She was so stubborn.

  “It’s better that we’re just friends.”

  Her eyebrows pinched together in a scowl. I nearly smiled.

  “We had one great date, but that can’t happen again.”

  “Huh?” Her confusion quickly changed to defiance.

  “The night we went out. You showed me the city? We had dinner.” I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. She was getting so worked up.

  “That wasn’t a date.” She nearly growled the words as she stepped toward me. Was she supposed to be threatening?

  I shouldn’t enjoy getting her riled up, but it was a little entertaining to see her try to intimidate me. “Wasn’t it?”

  “No.” Her hands went to her hips. “I do that for all the guys.”

  “Alone?” I smirked to keep from laughing.

  “Well, no, but you missed the first one.”

  “So, our conversation. That’s standard for all of the guys?”

  It hadn’t been standard for me. I didn’t go around telling the women my innermost thoughts, especially when I knew they had the power to use it against me. That was the trouble with Chloe. She had the power to destroy me. Not just my career, but my heart.

  I needed to take that power back.

  I stepped closer and tilted my head down, closer to her. “It can’t happen again, Chloe.”

  Her breath caught when I said her name.

  “No, it can’t.”

  I leaned in until I could feel the heat of her skin, so close to my lips. I waited a beat to see if she would react, but she was frozen in place. “Goodbye then.”

  Before she had a chance to react, I turned and left the room. I wanted to stay. I wanted to know if she felt the fire that ignited whenever we were close. We could both lie through our teeth that there was nothing between us, but that didn’t make it true.

  Neither of us wanted to open up. Neither of us was willing to get hurt, so of course we both were now.

  I left the hospital without speaking to anyone. I couldn’t handle being in there. I did the best I could with the children, but it was heartbreaking. I smiled and laughed and joked with them, but all I wanted to do was help them. I couldn’t though. They were receiving the best care possible, I knew, but I wished I could take away their suffering. It wasn’t fair.

  Neither was Chloe’s double standard.

  The nurse was a fan. I was treating her like one.

  Would Chloe rather I ignored the woman? Was I supposed to walk away when she asked for an autograph? Yeah. That would have been great publicity for the team.

  It wasn’t like I was asking her out. I was being courteous. A good representation for the Fury. I didn’t deserve to be attacked for that.

  I could speak to whomever I wanted. Chloe had turned me down. She was the one that told me to keep my distance. I was just following her wishes.

  I pulled into my parking garage and slammed my hand against the steering wheel.

  I couldn’t win with that woman.

  She wanted conflicting things and she expected me to live up to them.

  When I got to my apartment I went to my room and changed into running clothes. There was only way I was going to get over this and it was by working out. I couldn’t go back to the arena. That would add gas to the fire in me, so running outside would have to do.

  The first time my sole hit the concrete my shoulders relaxed. This was my therapy. I turned up my music and pushed out all thoughts.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chloe

  I slammed the door behind me, not caring if the neighbors got mad. I dropped my purse on the floor, kicked off my heels, and threw myself face first on the couch. It wasn’t enough. I grabbed a throw pillow and pulled it over my face, then screamed for as long as I could.

  I felt better. Sometimes a girl just needed to completely lose it.

  “Um…Chloe? You alright?”

  Crap.

  I dropped the pillow and rolled onto my stomach. “Oh hi. I didn’t know you were home.”

  Erik was looking at me like I was insane, which wasn’t that farfetched. “What’s going on?”

  I looked at the pillow and shrugged. “Sometimes you just have to let it out, ya know?”

  He shook his head. “Not really.”

  Of course he didn’t. Erik had always done what he wanted. Not that it was necessarily a bad thing, but he didn’t have the same guilt I dealt with. He didn’t think of what bad things could happen. He saw a goal and went for it.

  I was the one left behind to deal with the aftermath. The crying girls he never called back. The press releases about his behavior at an event. The apologies for him not caring or not showing up to something.

  “Maybe one day you will.”

  He stepped forward toward the kitchen before stopping. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Nothing.”

  He folded his arms and gave me a serious look, the one that made him look just like Dad.

  “You’ve never had to sacrifice anything. You’ve never had to make the hard choice. Putting something before your own desires.”

  You would have thought I just accused him of murder by his expression.

  “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Oh really? You got every lesson, private trainer, and new piece of equipment you asked for. Mom and Dad put you on that traveling team in middle school because you said you needed the experience. You told them real players started that way. But what you missed while you were traveling through the entire country and Canada was everything we had to sacrifice to make that dream possible for you. You didn’t see Dad working two jobs. Mom taking extra shifts at the hospital. I was home alone from the moment I woke up until I went to bed. I raised myself because you needed to join that stupid team.”

  He tried to interrupt me but now that I’d lifted a corner of the box I’d been holding this in, the whole thing needed to be emptied.

  “You didn’t even notice when you were home. You asked them to fly you to see different agents because you said that was the next step. They took out a second mortgage to pay for that and the major junior league. You couldn’t play for a local team. Oh no! You just had to play for the Seattle team. Where did you think they were getting this money the whole time? Did you ever stop for a second and think about that? No. You didn’t. Do you know what I got to do while you were off living the dream? I got my first job at fourteen. Not because it was fun. Because I overheard Dad telling Mom he hadn’t been eating lunch or dinner to save money. For three years, Erik. Dad sacrificed himself for you.”

  I looked into his eyes waiting to see if anything was sinking in, but he was turned away from me looking out the window.

  “When they died there was so much debt. Did you ever think about how everything got taken care of? Did you ever wonder why I moved in with the neighbor? We lost the house. We lost everything, but you were too busy focusing on yourself to notice my world was falling apart. I gave up Yale not just because I wanted to be close to you, but because I couldn’t afford it.”

  “What do you want me to say, Chloe?” I couldn’t just hear it in his voice, but I could see that he felt dejected in his body. He looked weighed down. He looked how I felt every day. “I can’t apologize for the past. Was I selfish? Yes. Was I completely self-absorbed? Definitely. No, I didn’t know what was going on because Mom and Dad kept it from me. As a matter of fact, I don’
t remember you ever telling me either. Don’t you think I would have quit and come straight home if I’d known how bad things were?”

  I shook my head. I really didn’t think he would have ever given up.

  “You act like everything is your responsibility. You always have. You take the burden on yourself and you survive. You fix. But no one ever asked you to. If you had asked me to come home to help I would have. You don’t get to hang this over me if I didn’t know.”

  I hated that he was a little bit right.

  “But in all the time you’ve spent stewing about this, and it’s apparent you’ve spent years, have you ever stopped to think about it from my perspective?”

  He thought he could justify himself?

  “I got calls from all three of you at least once a week. I asked Mom and Dad how things were going. I asked about their jobs, the house, their cars. I worried about them every day I was gone. I asked how you were doing. If they had given me one tiny thread of evidence something was wrong I would have been home the next day.”

  He sighed and shook his head.

  “Yes, I was off following my dream, but I was doing it because I was good. Because I’d been told by people over and over again that if I worked hard I could get here. Get to the NHL. So, I fought, and I worked, and I did everything I could to get here. But I wasn’t just thinking of me. I was doing it for Mom and for Dad. I wanted to get here, in the NHL, as soon as I could so I could buy them their dream house in the mountains. I wanted to set them up so they could retire and never have to work again. I did this so you would never have to worry about money. I did this so we, you and me, could have the best possible future. So, don’t sit there on your pedestal and tell me I’m monster. I did those things for us.”

  He stopped and looked at me. “You think it was easy being away from you guys? Missing holidays and birthdays?”

  His voice cracked and I forced myself not to go to him. To comfort him.

  “I was a kid when I left home. I grew up in strangers’ houses. I missed my parents. I missed you. So don’t act like I didn’t have to sacrifice anything. I gave up a normal life, a real childhood, to guarantee us a solid future.”

  I fought back the tears threatening to burst. He was right. I was just as self-centered as he was. I’d only ever seen things from my side. I was the victim. I’d never considered how hard it would have been to live away from home from age twelve. I didn’t ever once think about the things he’d given up.

  “Erik.”

  He shook his head. “I can’t look at you right now. We’ll talk later.”

  He disappeared down the hall, and when I heard his door shut I fell back on the couch. This was our first real fight. I’d always kept things bottled up. I never let him know how bad things were. I kept a smile for his sake.

  On the outside, we looked like the perfect siblings. But really, we were broken. Our family was broken.

  This was our chance to make things right. To grieve for all that we had lost and to open up to each other. We’d be stronger. We just needed to get through this.

  I stared at the wall and sighed. I hadn’t meant to go off on him like I had. I wanted to talk about what he said to Reese, but now Reese was a low priority.

  As much as I wanted to sit and wallow, I had work to do. I took my laptop into my room and crawled into bed. I needed to get the pictures from the hospital up on the blog before the weekend. Press would pick up before the game and I wanted to give them as much positive attention as possible.

  I was about halfway through when I got to the first picture of Reese. I stared at his smile directed at the little girl lying in bed. She was laughing and looking up at Reese like he was a superhero. He certainly looked like one.

  I clicked through the next thirty images before I got to the end of his pictures. He visited so many children. So many more than he was expected to. Then he went down to the other floor to see those kids.

  He was good. He was genuine. He was the kind of man I dreamed of. But I couldn’t have him.

  I’d been alone so long, I didn’t understand why I was stuck on him. I barely knew the man, but my heart knew all it needed to know. There was more to Reese Murray than his hockey statistics. More than his good looks and charm. He challenged me. He didn’t expect me to take care of him like every other person in my life. He wanted to take care of me.

  Looking at his face wasn’t making this any easier.

  He didn’t date during the season.

  I didn’t date players.

  Erik was against it.

  It would be a distraction for the team.

  It would only lead to more problems.

  So many negatives stacked against us. My head accepted it, but my heart refused.

  I needed to take my mind off him. I went to Erik’s foundation website and made sure everything was up to date. I loved Schultz Sanctuary. It was a home for women and their children who were escaping a bad relationship and needed a place to get back on their feet. Erik had shocked me when he told me that was what he wanted to do. Most of the guys focus on the youth programs, which was excellent, it just made my brother’s decision surprising.

  The shelter was a home in Salt Lake he’d purchased, and we hired an entire team with specialist to help the women. We kept the exact location secret to protect the women, but Erik and I tried to visit a few times a month.

  It was something we were both passionate about.

  I could tell when Reese told me about his organization how much it meant to him. It blew my mind he helped one thousand kids a year. That was beyond what most people shot for. Of course, he did things bigger than most. He loved kids. I’d witness that at the gala. The most amazing part of his organization was that he didn’t name it after himself. He didn’t take the credit. There was nothing wrong with either option, but it was another peek into the real Reese Murray.

  I opened a new tab and began working on getting him set up. Was I doing this for an excuse to talk to him? Maybe. Probably.

  It was also my job to help players with things like this. It was for work.

  I could lie to myself all I wanted, but that wasn’t going to change the fact that I hadn’t gone to these lengths for anyone else.

  If I had any sense left, I would treat him like anyone else. I would create space. I would think of him as a brother.

  None of that was going to happen.

  I shook my head and closed my laptop. I was being pulled in too many directions. My head was going one way, but my heart was digging its heels in. Which one was I going to follow?

  Erik made it clear what he thought. Was Reese worth damaging my relationship with my brother?

  Maybe.

  Probably.

  I fell back on my bed and closed my eyes. Things had never been so complicated for me. There’d never been a temptation to go against everything I knew was good for me. This wasn’t me.

  I was safe. I was routine. I was reliable.

  Reese made me want to break out of that mold.

  He made me want to be my own person, free of Erik’s shadow.

  Was I ready for that? Leaving my comfort zone? Going against what people expected me to do?

  Maybe.

  I sighed.

  Probably not.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Reese

  I could feel her. I didn’t allow myself to look into the stands. I couldn’t see her. If I had any hope of getting through this practice I needed to clear my mind of her.

  I’d been slammed into the glass more times than I could count in the last hour. I was beaten and bruised, but that wasn’t what hurt the most. I wanted to go to her. To beg for a shot. It was contrary to everything we’d said, but I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t feel something every time I thought of her.

  “Get it together, Murray!”

  I ignored Coach and skated after the puck. Schultz passed it to me, and I sped toward the goal. I was hit on my left but managed to correct and pass it to Ha
rtman. He scored and turned to me.

  “It’s about time you pulled your head out of your—”

  “Again!” Coach wasn’t giving us any slack today. Not that I deserved it.

  We ran through plays for three more hours before he finally let us go. I was heading to the locker room when Erik stopped me.

  “I want to talk to you.”

  That was the last thing I wanted to do, but he didn’t look like was going to accept a no. He turned and led me to an empty training room.

  “What happened today?”

  “I don’t know, man. Just an off day.”

  He shook his head. “You’re not allowed to have those.”

  I glared at him. “Excuse me?”

  “You’re Reese Murray. You’re in the top five players in the league. You’re a champion. You don’t have off days.”

  I knew my stats—he didn’t need to remind me.

  “I talked to Sanchez.”

  “My old captain?”

  He nodded. What gave him the right to go behind my back and talk to my old team?

  “I wanted to know if this was normal for you. He was shocked. He said you were the only person he’s ever known that has been one hundred percent in the game. You’ve never let outside distractions affect you. So, what’s happening now?”

  There’s never been a woman before. I couldn’t exactly tell him that though. He’d kill me.

  “There’s a lot going on right now. I’m still adjusting to the team.”

  “Cut the crap. We both know that isn’t it.” He stepped forward until we were chest to chest. “Figure it out and take care of it. Do whatever you need to do to get your head back in the game.”

  I narrowed my eyes and studied him. Did he know? Was this him giving me permission to go after Chloe?

  I nodded, and he gave me a final look before turning and walking out of the room. I respected him for calling me out, but I was more confused than ever.

  While I showered and changed, I thought about what he’d said. If I had any hope of regaining my focus and not screwing up the season, I needed to figure things out with Chloe. Whatever was going to happen, we needed to decide now. Before the season started and mistakes like today affected the whole team.