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  “Almost there, baby.” I tried to use a soothing voice, but I doubted she could hear me. She seemed to be lost in a fog of misery. I hoped she couldn’t sense my own panic. I’d never seen her in so much pain and there was nothing I could do.

  I hated seeing her like this, and this was only the beginning. Who knew how long the labor would last? Hours? More than a day? I wasn’t ready for this. No class or book could really prepare me for this reality.

  Plus, it was too early. She was only thirty-six weeks along. What if there was something wrong with our baby? What if I caused this? The accident had been too much stress for Emma.

  Emma’s breathing relaxed and I checked the time on the dash. That one lasted for fifty seconds. It felt like three eternities to me. I didn’t want to think about how long it felt to Emma.

  We were ready for this. We’d been to the classes and talked to our doctor. We knew what to expect, but there was a huge difference between talking about watching your wife go through incredible pain and actually having to witness this miracle while not being able to do anything to make it better.

  As someone who was always ready to take charge, save the day, or fix things, I hated feeling so helpless. This was a lot more stressful than I anticipated. I guess you can never be fully ready for the reality of childbirth.

  “Hold on, baby. We’re almost there.” I could see the top of the hospital over the houses and sped up. Emma grunted and gripped her belly.

  It was really happening. We were about to meet our little one. We’d finally know if it’s a boy or a girl. I reached over and squeezed her hand.

  She tightened her grip and cried out.

  I eyed my watch as I sucked in a breath but didn’t complain. I’d have to explain to Coach why I was out with a broken hand, but it would be worth it. If crushing my bones brought her even a sliver of relief, she could break every bone in my body. I couldn’t let her see how nervous I was. I had to be the strong one. This was the only thing I was good at. Years in the NHL trained me to stay focused on the task at hand and not let anything distract me. After the game, or in this case, the birth, I could freak out all I wanted.

  “I love you, Emma.” She let out a tiny whimper and glanced up at me with glazed eyes.

  She relaxed almost a full minute later, just as we were pulling in. I left the car running in front of the labor and delivery entrance and jumped out. I got to her side before she could open the door and lifted her out.

  “Mr. Letang.” I turned with Emma in my arms to see a petite nurse pushing a wheelchair. “Hi Mrs. Letang, this way please.”

  She was beaming at me like my wife wasn’t currently tearing apart. I helped Emma into the chair then looked around patting my pockets. “Where are my keys?”

  The nurse smiled gently. “In the ignition. I’ll take Mrs. Letang in but you’ll have to move the car to the front lot. It’s reserved for those in labor.” Her smile never wavered as she turned the wheelchair around and pushed Emma into the hospital.

  I ran to the driver’s side and parked the car in one of the future parent stalls with almost no thought. As I jogged back to the entrance, I sent a text message to Erik telling him we were at the hospital. If he was awake and saw it, he would spread the word. We’d already told the group not to worry about coming to see us before the baby was born, but that was when I thought it was still weeks away. A part of me wanted their support, and I was sure Emma wanted some reassuring voices.

  I got to the front desk and was stopped to ask where I could find Emma.

  “Hello Mr. Letang,” the nurse said. “We have some paperwork we need you to fill out first.”

  It took all of my self-restraint not to glare at the woman sitting plumply in her chair. “We did all of the pre-registration paperwork.”

  “There are just a few additional pieces of information we need.” She waved a wristband with her left hand tauntingly.

  “Sorry, first time dad.” I took the papers and started walking back to the delivery rooms we were shown on our tour a few weeks ago.

  “Mr. Letang, we need those back before you can go in.”

  I blew out a breath and turned to her. “Seriously?”

  She gave me a sympathetic smile and nodded. “It’s hospital policy.”

  I scribbled down everything on the forms in record time and practically threw them back at her.

  “Thank you.” She put her hand out expectantly. It took me a second to realize she wanted my hand. Use your words, lady. She snapped the barcoded bracelet and pulled back. “Your wife is in room three.”

  Room three wasn’t a delivery room, so hopefully that meant we had more time to settle in and catch our breath. Although, that meant more time Emma was in pain.

  I walked in as Emma slammed her hand on the side of the bed and let out a small cry. That noise broke me. She was already wearing a grey hospital gown and I instantly felt more guilt. Hopefully a nurse was there to help her. Getting her pants on and off had become a herculean feat lately, and she usually needed my help.

  I rushed to her and took her hand. “What can I do?”

  She blinked up at me and blew out a breath. “Go back in time and convince us dogs are all we need.”

  I tried not to laugh but slipped. “I’m sorry. It will all be worth it in a few hours. You won’t remember any of this once our baby is here.”

  Her eyes glazed over and she nodded.

  The nurse, that was hooking up more monitors, sensors, and tubes than I’d seen on any one person smiled at me. “I’m all done here. I’ll be back in a few to check your progress.” She smiled once at Emma before hurrying out.

  “Did she tell you what you’re dilated to?”

  Emma reached for a small cup next to her and shook it against her lips dropping a few pellets on ice in her mouth. “Six.”

  “How long were you feeling contractions before you woke me up?”

  “There was only one.”

  “So, you slept through the first part? Good job, babe.”

  She shook her head at my stupid joke. “Or I was so exhausted from the trip and spending yesterday in the ER that I slept like the dead.”

  I closed my eyes and let that sink in. The stress I’d put her under had caused her to go into labor. I knew it and so did she. Hopefully the baby was ready. If there were any problems because Emma was delivering early, I’d never forgive myself.

  I cringed. “I’m sorry honey.”

  She smiled for a second before grimacing. “The nurse said she was surprised I was already this far along. She said it’s uncommon for first-time moms to deliver early.”

  “What about the baby? Is it too soon?”

  She shrugged. “She’s going to do an ultrasound to check the baby’s lungs. I might get a steroid shot.”

  I nodded and examined the room. It was small, just the bed and a single chair. We were only in here until it was time to start pushing so I guess they didn’t need to make it too cozy. As long as she wasn’t in labor for over twenty hours or anything crazy, we would be okay.

  Emma was sweating and twisting trying to get more comfortable. How could I be thinking about my own comfort at a time like this? I could stand on pins on ice for hours if that’s what it took. She was the one about to push out a tiny human.

  I shook my head and moved to the head of the bed and started to rub her shoulders. It didn’t seem real. The whole pregnancy hadn’t. I understood the concept. At the end we would have a baby of our own, but my brain still didn’t comprehend what that really meant. Our lives were in the process of changing completely.

  I leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “You’re going to rock this, babe.”

  She let out a huff. “Is it bad that I already want the drugs?”

  “No. Of course not. Why?”

  She shrugged. “All the moms I’ve talked to said how amazing natural birth was and how it’s better for the baby. But...I can’t. It’s too much.”

  I squeezed her shoulders. “
Do whatever will get you through this. Don’t worry what anyone else says.”

  I felt her relax a bit under my hands and she nodded.

  The nurse came back in, offering us a bright smile. “Hi Dad, I’m Kelly. Let’s check.” She went directly to the monitors and checked the printouts and made a few ticks with a pen. “Hmmm.”

  I peered down at Emma who was studying the nurse expectantly.

  “How do things look?”

  The nurse turned to us. “Contractions are steady, as I’m sure you’re aware.” Emma grunted. “At this point we’d expect you to be progressing more. Let me check again.”

  She went to the end of the bed and Emma lay back. I tried not to feel uncomfortable as the nurse sat on a stool picked up my wife’s gown.

  Emma flinched just before the nurse sat back. “Still right at six centimeters and no progress in effacement.”

  “What should she be at?” I asked as if I understood what was going on.

  “There’s no exact number. Every labor is different, but I was hoping she’d get to ten a bit faster.” She peered down at my wife. “Emma, would you like to try walking around?”

  I stared at the nurse. Was she serious? She expected Emma to get up and move right now? She would end up collapsing in the hall after a few steps. There was no way she was getting up.

  “Yeah that would be good.” Emma was already moving to the side of the bed, dropping her legs.

  I rushed to her side and offered my hands. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded and used me to pull herself up. “It’s supposed to help speed things up.”

  “You’re the boss.”

  Kelly watched us while backing out of the room. “Just walking along this hall back and forth. You can stop whenever you’d like but try to do it a few times.”

  Emma nodded, looking determined. I blew out a breath and pulled her arm around mine so she could lean on me. We made it a few steps before another contraction came. Emma froze, grabbing her stomach and leaning over. “Oh.”

  “That’s it. Where going back.” I leaned into pick her up, but she stopped me.

  “Give me a second.” She breathed out through her mouth, once, twice, three, four times then nodded. “Okay, keep going.”

  I couldn’t understand. It felt like I was forcing her to complete a marathon. She didn’t need to do this but as I watched her face grow more focused, I knew there was no talking her out of it. Maybe some weird mom super power was taking over. Soon she’d turn green and bust out of her clothes like the Hulk.

  Distracting her was all I could think to do. “I think I came up with a good boy name.”

  She huffed, almost a laugh. “I thought we had our boy name picked out.”

  “Nope. This one is better.”

  “Well, let me have it.”

  “Festus.”

  She laughed then clutched her stomach. “Ouch. Don’t make me laugh.”

  “Why would you laugh at that? It’s a great name.”

  She shook her head. “It sure is, but not for our son.”

  That made me smile. Our son. I would never say it out loud, but I was hoping it was a boy. Emma had asked me at least a hundred times what I wanted, but I didn’t want her to think I’d be disappointed if it ended up being a girl. I also didn’t want to jinx it.

  I’d be ecstatic for either, but I wanted a son I could one day play hockey with. Of course, girls play too, but I doubted Emma would let our baby girl do something so dangerous.

  We made it to the end of the hall and turned as another contraction started.

  I rubbed her back and we waited it out. The contractions seemed to be happening at even intervals. Not getting closer together like they were earlier. Maybe that’s why she wasn’t dilating. Did that mean she was stuck here at a six for a while?

  “What’s your girl name?” Her voice was strained. She must like my game though. If it was helping, I could come up with off the wall names all night.

  “Beulah.”

  “Interesting.” She finally straightened and started walking again. “I think that’s a great name for someone in the country.”

  “I nodded. How about Kathy?” I knew she had some sort of joke with the Pride about that name. Maybe now I’d figure it out.

  She shot me a look. “You know Kathy’s aren’t born. They just exist as middle-aged women.”

  “What?”

  “When was the last time you met a baby named Kathy?”

  I shrugged. “Can’t think of one.”

  “Right. Now think of all the Kathy’s you’ve met.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “They’re all middle-aged women.”

  She held up a finger. “Exactly.”

  I shook my head. I’m sure there was more to her logic, but right now that was all she explained.

  “Okay then. We could name her after one of the members of the Pride.”

  She froze. I thought she was having a contraction, but no, she was staring at me. “What? Do you want to cause World War three?”

  I laughed. “No, I definitely don’t.”

  “Then don’t even mention such a thing. They would tear each other apart.”

  “What about the guys?”

  “I’m not naming our baby girl Brassard or Hartman.”

  “Schultz.”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “Guess we’ll have to stick with our original.”

  She nodded, and we made it to the opposite end of the hall before turning and repeating the process once again. She had three more contractions before we got back to the room.

  “Do you want to rest?” I asked.

  She nodded and I led her to the bed. Once she was situated and as comfortable as possible, considering, Kelly walked back in.

  “Alright,” she said, “let’s see where we’re at.”

  Emma groaned and scooted down on the bed until she was lying down. Impeccable timing, nurse.

  She did her thing then stepped back. “No more progress.” She moved to the monitors and made a few notes. “We can try sitting on a medicine ball.”

  I glanced down to see Emma’s reaction. Her face glowed with sheen of sweat, she was exhausted, and the nurse wanted her to keep moving?

  “When can she get an epidural?” I asked.

  “Technically, she can get it now. I’m worried though that since she isn’t progressing on her own right now the epidural could slow the process even more, and she wouldn’t know when it was time to push.”

  Emma dropped her head against the pillow. “I just want the baby out.”

  “Then let’s try the ball for a few.” Kelly disappeared before we could respond and reappeared with a large silver ball. She placed it on the floor next to the bed and stood, smiling.

  “Come on.” I offered Emma my hands and pulled her up and out of the bed. She moved until the ball was behind her and used my hands to balance as she squatted down.

  Kelly moved next to me. “Now open your legs a little wider.”

  Emma shifted and nodded.

  “Good. Now pull your shoulders back.” Emma sat up straight, wincing slightly. “Try to lift your stomach and rotate your hips in a circle.”

  Without a word, Emma followed the instructions.

  I watched for a few seconds before returning to the nurse. “What is this supposed to do?”

  “Baby might not be positioned as well as we’d like. This may help coax baby into the best birth position.”

  “And help her dilate?”

  Kelly nodded with a big smile. “That’s the idea.”

  I had a feeling she was starting to just say the things we wanted to hear, but she walked out before I could confront her.

  “I feel ridiculous.” Emma’s posture was near perfect and I realized it had been several minutes since she had a contraction.

  “Is it helping?”

  She shrugged, then curled in on herself. “Oh.”

  There it was. I moved to rub her shoulders while also keeping her steady
on the ball. “Keep breathing, Emma.” She started doing the breathing we were taught in our birthing classes. “Good job.”

  I felt my phone vibrate but didn’t want to grab it until this passed.

  Her body relaxed under my hands and a few seconds later she was sitting back up doing her circles.

  I pulled out my phone and laughed. “You have some visitors.”

  She scrunched her nose. “I look awful.”

  “Emma, you’ve never looked more beautiful.” It was true. Her make-up free face was glowing in a way unrelated to perspiration that I’d never seen before. Sure, she appeared tired, but I could feel her excitement and joy that the day was finally here to meet our baby.

  “Thank you, babe. Go let them in.”

  “You’re sure you’re okay?”

  She put a hand on the bed rail. “I’m fine.”

  I watched her for a moment before nodding. “Two seconds.”

  I walked out of the room and hurried down the hall, where Chloe stood. “Chloe, you didn’t need to come. I told Erik I’d let you all know when things got closer.”

  She waved me off. “My best friend is in labor, of course I’m here.”

  I turned to Reese who shrugged. “You try talking her into staying home.”

  I knew there was nothing that could change Chloe’s mind once it was made up. “Come on back.”

  3

  Emma

  I broke my arm when I was thirteen. I thought that was pain. I was wrong.

  “This is natural. This is normal.” I repeated those words silently to myself over and over again. “Women survive this every day.”

  I hoped I would too.

  “Hey Momma!” I opened my eyes to see Chloe bound into the room with her arms open.

  I stopped my circles and tried to stand.

  “No,” Chloe said, “stay there. I’ll come to you.”

  I was grateful for that small mercy. I didn’t think I’d be able to stand on my own. She wrapped me in a gentle hug, but I pulled her closer.

  “Thanks for coming.”